I pumped my last pump a few nights ago. I thought I would be elated with gleeful thoughts of going office space on my pump (only not really, I want to donate it) but I feel slightly melancholy about the end of the current era. This pump, which was new before Harper, says I pumped for 315 hours. Three hundred fifteen hours of my life out of the last 15 months. That’s 13 entire days. And that doesn’t include all of the time spent breastfeeding. I breastfed and/or pumped for 4 entire years of my recent life. I pumped in at least 5 countries and on at least 25+ business trips over the last 6 years.
I have a few months of frozen milk left for Harper and then we will be done with bottles as well. I cannot express how excited I am to be forever done with bottles.
Things I am excited for: Getting rid of all nursing tops. Freeing up the spot on our counter currently occupied by precariously balanced bottle and pump parts. If you even glance at it the wrong way pieces fall on the floor and need to be rewashed. Not spending an hour a day (or more before I started weaning) pumping. No more obnoxious pumping bras that get inextricably tangled up in the wash. No more struggling with a hand pump on a plane, in airport bathrooms, in the car, in the basement bathroom at the Boston Ballet on Christmas date nights. Being able to have wine without worrying about timing. Traveling for work without worrying about getting to the airport early to explain the bag of body fluid that I’m carrying or fight for why my pump doesn’t count towards carry on allotment. Not worrying if hotels have fridges.
Things I will miss: nothing. Literally nothing. To be completely honest breastfeeding likely contributed strongly to my postpartum anxiety the first time around and then the subsequent two times. Society has way overinflated the benefits of breastfeeding and the “breast is best” campaign has done more harm than good. In a full term infant breastfeeding very mildly reduces GI infections. Very mildly. That’s it.
And no, breastmilk is not free unless you consider a women’s time to be worth nothing. When I went back to work I was pumping 3 times a day for 20 minutes each, not including set up and clean up time. Two sessions during work and one at night to make enough to keep up with how much my baby ate during the day. Not including all of the pump part cleaning in the evening time and setup in the morning (which thankfully Michael did that majority of). Not including the cost of food for the several hundred extra calories you need to eat a day to maintain supply. I was (am) always. Hungry. Also many people can get a pump free from insurance with one set of parts, but most people need additional sets of parts (plus replacements every few months), pumping bras, pump bags, breast milk storage, nipple cream, lactation consultant appointment co-pays. Co-pays for office visits for clogged ducts and milk blisters. Nursing pillows. I’m not going to do the math right now but I would venture to say if you factor in time and supplies, breastfeeding is not cheaper than formula feeding.
I’m not going to say I’m proud for breastfeeding. It is a bodily function. I truly believe that fed is best. However, for tonight, I will be mildly reminiscent of this current end of an era. And tomorrow I will celebrate never pumping again and the fact that for the first time in over 6 years, nobody is physically dependent on my body except for me💗
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